i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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