Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
