Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
