I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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