Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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