On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
