JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
