im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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