You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We got so high we made milksteak
sarcasm needs its own font
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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