I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
