so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Walk of Shame today included voting.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
