The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So much Jack, so little girl.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
