I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
