I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
