Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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