i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm getting married
To pizza
Drunk is not a location!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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