Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
