I think I won the penis lottery.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sext me about skeletons
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
