Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
