Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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