I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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