bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
