JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
