I think I died a long time ago.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
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i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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