my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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