Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
