i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
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I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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