I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
