I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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