How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
even my farts smell like vagina
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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