we have officially lost it.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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