Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
