I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
