Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
