ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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