hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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