brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
