I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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