At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I AM VODKA MAN
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
