I murdered the dance floor call the cops
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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