You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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