peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
