I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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