so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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