Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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