Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
someone threw a dead crab at me
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
