We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
