he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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