how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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