I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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