Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
