a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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