i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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