I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
