And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
