Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
