just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
