thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
