do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
