Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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