he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
