i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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