Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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