I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
