oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
