gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
