Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
