dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
