I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
