My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
