Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We need to get me chipped asap
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
