WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
