I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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