you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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