You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
