I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
