My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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