I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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