the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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