Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
