I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
