I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
